Dr. Gautham's

Neuro Centre

(Established in 1988)

A Neuro-Behavioral Medicine Clinic

Dr. Gautham's Neuro Centre
4/68 P C Hostel Road
Chennai, Tamilnadu 600031

ph: +91 98410 10197
alt: +91 44 4285 9822








Delusion of Love

Below is a question with Dr. Gautham's reply to it. Make your question as detailed as possible to enable an appropriate suggestion / direction that is specific to you. Include details of problem / symptoms, duration, details of associated persons / situations, aggravating factors if any, and relevant personal details


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Hey I am, 23 years old with aspergers syndrome. I constantly keep getting unwanted thoughts about a guy I havent seen in years and no matter how many times i try to forget about him he doesnt leave my mind. it makes me feel like I have no control in my life and i even struggle to walk down the street worried ill see him and was too upset to go into a building to get something i wanted because i worried id bump into him. paradoxically, I feel angry I will not go out with this person or there is no relationship going on. I am annoyed hes rejected me and feel that hes let me down. I build up in my mind some relationship is going on and will happen (even though i know its unreal - I dont want the pretent relationship going on in my head) and i feel extremely disappointed inside there is nothing happen between us. Also, back in 2005 I had a psychotic episode and I had strong symptoms of erotomania/ de clerambault syndrome I believed this guy was in love with me. I thought he was so on love with me he was going to kill himself over me and that I had to save him. then I went to hospital and was diagnosed with psychosis. when I contacted him online despite how many times he told me they didnt fancy my I wudnt believe what he was saying. The guy was annoyed with me but he forgave me (i think likely because I forgave him for bullying me in school). This makes it harder for me to move in with my life because ive labelled myself a stalker and struggle to forgive myself. Im not deluded anymore as im away he isn?t in love with me even though i still live in false hope id be with him one day. I really want to see this guy again, but at the same time too scared to see him. One time he walked past me and looked at me for a long time but i went into a state of shock and blocked him out. I think I upset him by ignoring him, as he responded upset in the past if i ever rejected him. (which led to him bullying me in school). I always go into complete shock every time i see him and don?t know the best way to behave when im round him which can be manageable for both of us. I always keep thinking bout how to behave if we do bump into each other, but i always go into shock if we do. In the past he was interested in me but because i had difficulties trusting him his interest in me vanished. I look back and get angry because i keep thinking bout how things shudve been in the past. I do feel really angry and upset because its like this is taking over my life and i cry in bed at times because i just want the pain to go away. I hope some1 can please tell me whats going on here and maybe it could be OCD but i don?t know. I want to forget about this bloke but nothing I can do stops it. Also, What is the best way to behave if i bump into this guy again?

Dr. Gautham's Reply:

It is good that you have accepted your disorder and taken it in your stride. That is a very positive sign that you can overcome your problem.

Forgetting someone is not easy to do. But there are some things that make can the process a lot smoother. First, and MOST IMPORTANT, keep telling yourself that it was all a figment of your imagination (which it most certainly was as a delusion, even if the man forgave you for your actions and was magnanimous enough to maintain a relationship).

Don't keep trying to find justifications (e.g. "In the past he was interested in me but because i had difficulties trusting him his interest in me vanished."). Cry out everything you have to cry about! When you cry, you let go of part of your anger and hurt so you can feel less heavy. You can lock yourself in a room, if you want to, but let yourself feel the pain and cry till there is no pain anymore and you can let it go.




Dr. Gautham's Answer (Contd...):

Avoid anything romantic. When you're trying to forget the man, you'd better not watch romantic movies or listen to romantic songs which will only make you feel bad and remember the person you're trying to get rid of. Put on some happy songs, dancing songs, watch some comedies, terror movies, but avoid the romantic things for now!

Get busy! When you're trying to get someone out of your head, you need to put other things inside of it. Go to a movie, watch a play, travel. Find a hobby, find something you enjoy doing, something to keep your mind busy. Spend some time with your friends. Friends are always great to have in this kind of situation! Friends can make you feel good about yourself and get you distracted very easily. They will certainly make you laugh and make you see that you're way more important than you think! Go to the gym, work out a lot, get your nails and hair done. Do whatever you can so you can feel more pretty and confident!

It doesn't matter what are you going to do-the important thing is to find something to do. If your mind is busy, it doesn't have time or space to think about the person you're trying to forget.

Go out and see some different faces! Being at home gives you more time to think about it, which makes the process even more difficult. So even if you're not feeling excited or you're in a bad mood, just put on your best clothes, best shoes, best smile, call some friends and go somewhere nice where you can dance, listen to some music. When you go out, you notice that the person you're trying to forget is not the only one who's got a perfect smile and an amazing voice.

Avoid the person! Try not to go to places you know you can meet that person. But if you do meet him somewhere, just be nice and kind, try not to talk too much but find an excuse to go away as fast as you can! don't look as if you are running away. Just be natural and excuse yourself with something that you have to do urgently.

Of course, having Aspergers makes all of the above much more difficult to do as you have to move out of your "familiar" space and routines. But if you are determined to forget the man, then you will, there is no doubt! But, if in spite of doing everything I have stated above you are still obsessed with him, then you need to seek professional help, because, maybe - just maybe - your delusion is still lingering - not full fledged, but in a partial form - and you may require medication in order to get rid of it.


Wishing you success in your endeavor,