Dr. Gautham's Reply:
I’m glad that you are reaching out for help with your confusing and painful emotions and trying to figure out what to do to feel better. What I can tell from your letter is that you seem to be suffering with a host of issues.
You have problems with relationships, managing your feelings, feeling that you are not worthy of love, and much more. It is possible that your earlier crises have resulted in low self confidence, need to feel loved, and uncertainty in handling others. This must be causing you great anguish. It may be that you are always picking the same kind of friends which you think you need. You may be wanting to feel needed and important, but your friends may not see you in the same way.
Find out what it is that is making them uncomfortable with you. Are you too pushy and want your opinion to be felt all the time? Do you always try to do things better than them, which makes them feel that you are showing off or threatened? Does your need to be accepted make you overly helpful to the point of being intrusive? Does your need for them make you push yourself on to them? Are they wary of your emotions when you are with them?
You must learn what is affecting your relationships and how to have better them, and how not to cling to people, and how to act in a more appropriate way. You must learn to be there for them when they need you, and avoid pursuing them when you need them. You must develop self confidence and learn to be independent. You must find better ways to manage your emotions. The issues that you are facing are very treatable and if you find a good therapist he or she will teach you how you can change your behavior and feelings. Take care.