My name is ~ and my age is 27 years, i am having a relationship with a boy of 31 years who is preparing for civil services,Recently he faced many failures and so he is very depressed with his life ,now for the last 6 months he is very insensitive to me ,he has stopped all communication with me , i tried to encourage him, supported him but in vain,Some months ago i lost my father and at that time i needed emotional support but he was no where for me.At the same time one of my office colleague who is about 50 years old helped me in out coming of this shock,he cared for me ,he use to be very kind to me and hence we came very close to each other,One day he proposed me, i also developed a liking for him but unable to decide what to do ? Should i accept him ? He is non married and working in the same branch with me ? Please help me or if u know someone who gives an expert advice on these  type of issues,i am very lonely and no one to discuss all this?

Dr. Gautham's Reply:

There are a number of avenues you could pursue in relation to combating this problem, but first you need to ask yourself a couple of questions, and perhaps take some quiet introspection. Firstly and most importantly in this situation is do you truly love your boyfriend? If you do, then you should stay with him. Why risk ruining what you have over what may be a fleeting infatuation. Just because you have a crush on someone else, doesn't necessarily mean you have to act on it. It is perfectly natural to find other people besides your boyfriend attractive, this isn't something you should feel guilty about, everyone does it.

Dr. Gautham's reply (Contd..)

So what are the options available? Well, if you love your boyfriend and want to stay with him, first of all you have to deal with his depression. Please see my webpage http://docgautham.com/disorders/depression. I suggest you take him to a psychiatrist near you to get him treated. Then you can try injecting a bit of spice into your relationship; It may just be that you miss the initial spontaneity and excitement at the beginning of a relationship and that is why you are attracted to the new crush. If you find that you don't love your boyfriend and that you would rather be with your crush instead, then break it off with him. This will minimise the pain and hurt caused in the long run, whereas if you have an affair then you can probably add feelings of humiliation and bitterness into the equation for him, and possibly guilt and self-loathing for you. If you want to be with someone else, then that's entirely up to you and no-one should judge you for that; staying with someone you don't want to be with will only foster resentment. Most importantly make sure you know what it is you want in yourself before taking any actions that you may later regret. 

But more importantly find someone with whom you can share your confusiong emotions. It always helps to talk it out with another. Even if the other person is unable to give you any useful suggestiions, just talking about it can give you a new perspective to your problem and the solution may just suddenly pop up.