Dr. Gautham's reply contd...
A four year old child cannot understand the physical needs of a new born child or that it needs a lot of attention from the mother. All the 4 year old knows is that she has suddenly lost all the attention that she used to get. The loss of attention from the parents is interpreted as a loss of love and the older child becomes jealous of the newborn who has taken her place.
The cause for this jealousy is the parents who have neglected to prepare the older child for the new born, and who have failed to give her the attention she needs after the child was born. And if you continue to pay more attention to your son and push your daughter away because of your anxiety over the new born being harmed, then YOU will be responsible for the jealousy turning to hate. The problem is not with your daughter but with your lack of understanding of the situation and the needs of your young daughter. You have to take immediate steps to correct the situation.
Start paying more attention to your daughter. In fact, you must give EQUAL attention to both children. Feed your daughter when you are feeding your son. Give them a bath together. When you buy something for your son, buy something similar for your daughter. Or better still involve your daughter in buying things for your son and get her something at the same time.
Start getting your daughter involved in caring for her brother. Explain to her that her brother is a helpless little infant and that it is her responsibility to see that his needs are met. Make caring for the baby a game. Start putting the children together instead of separating. Over the next few months focus on turning you daughter into a little mother who takes care of her little brother.